Assertiveness

If I were to ask you how assertive you are what would you say? You can probably name a few people in your life who are very loud and boisterous to the extreme level or more aggressive. Then there are those who are quiet and very shy or more passive in nature. Can you picture these to extremes?

The reason I bring this up is that assertiveness (in between the two) is a skill that helps decrease stress for you as well as others. It is healthy to express your needs in a way that does not harm another person nor minimize what you want to say.

Being assertive has many benefits. It allows you to have confidence in asking for favors or help. You get more attention from others, have greater sense of ease with store clerks and strangers, receive recognition of work by peers, and have more personal time.

There are probably situations and people that you feel more comfortable with then others. I encourage you to adopt a few of the traits below in those situations that you struggle with.  

Body Posture: Stand tall, shoulders square but comfortable, body facing direction of communication

Eye Contact: Face to face, direct but relaxed with periodic breaks

Hand Gestures: Use hands to highlight meaning and feelings; paints a picture to complicate message.

Distance from the person: Comfortable distance and level for both persons. A good rule is “arms length away,” which is not too impersonal or offensive.

Facial Expression: relaxed, warm, friendly

Content: Specific and to the point, use of words that have meaning and feeling

Self Defeating Thought Patterns

When you think or talk about making lifestyle changes do you feel or say you have to do certain things? If this is the case there is a feeling associated with having to do something. Feeling obligated can put you in a defensive mode and make you not want to do it. Where as if you tell yourself and think in terms of choosing to do it you will cut down on the guilt.

So for the next week analyze your thoughts. Change your tune to choosing instead of having to. You will see great changes in your behavior.

Exploring Ambivalence

Ambivalence is a state of having simultaneous, conflicting feelings. Think about your goals or the behaviors you want to change.  Do you have conflicting feelings? One day you are so focused nothing can stand in your way and then the next it was like a light switch was turned and you no longer have the drive to move forward or stick to your goals? If ambivalence ruins commitment there is a problem, but sometimes it just leads to a detour to those things that are most important. Self-awareness and goal setting are key for dealing with ambivalance.   

 Take a minute to analyze your thoughts about change. What goes through your head? What thoughts are helpful to stay focused on your goals and which ones are conflicting? Once you have identified the conflicting thoughts working on eliminating or lessening the impact they have on your choices is the next step. For some saying positive affirmations that replace the negative thoughts will work. Maybe finding success stories similar to your obstacles in order to show yourself that success is possible. Another idea is to become more knowledgeable or set time aside to make the behavior change if that causes your ambivalence.

Mental Prep for the Holidays

I heard advertisements for Christmas sales yesterday…..yes the Holiday’s are upon us. It is never too early to start shopping for the Holiday’s nor is it too early to start mentally prepping for Holidays. A trick that athletes use is visualization. They mentally walk through plays, moves, and calls so that when the real thing is taking place it is second nature.

This technique can also be used for the holidays. Mentally walk through what you are going to eat at parties before you go. Think about how you will balance your workout schedule with the parties going on. Laying out when you will workout based on your schedule and sticking to it. Create rebuttals for the temptations that you know will plague you.

Taking the time before the holidays are here will set yourself up for success verses disappointment and new years resolutions.